US girls just wanna have fun: Are you kidding PepsiCo?

Boring and proud of it. 32 today.

Which is why I dislike the froth, the frippery, nay, the sheer inanity of a press release from Diet Pepsi this week stating that (drum roll please!): “Women have a thirst for fun and a love affair with flair”. ​Wow.

Actually, that all scans pretty well, doesn’t it. I wonder how long it took one of the highly paid execs on their M&A rostrum to dream that one up, and to find out what Diet Pepsi admits it already knew in the first place.

Perhaps I’m in the wrong profession. Actually it was KRC Research (on behalf of Pepsi and Weber Shandwick) who interviewed 500 US women aged 25+ between August 7 and August 9.

Let’s delve further, before I fall asleep. Apparently, the ‘Diet Pepsi Fun Report’ reveals that 72% of women are “literally” ​(N.B. not metaphorically or in any unreal sense) craving more fun in their lives.

That’s a shame – I mean, the PepsiCo release might actually have furnished some interesting copy for someone, somewhere (rather than just a shaky comment piece from me on a slow news day, and our rivals cutting and pasting the same uninteresting press release again and again with gay abandon: that’s Ctrl X, Ctrl V, if you’re curious), if US women wanted less​ fun.

Would less brand-directed demand for uniform, forced fun mean higher demand for Diet Pepsi? Perhaps not. What is clear is that US women might actually discover that fun is a diffuse feeling that (forgive the philosophical waffle) is often most keenly felt as an unexpected byproduct of ‘boring’ everyday activities.

'Fun, fun, fun 'til her Daddy takes the T-Bird away'​

Meanwhile, a whopping​ (my word, see, I’m even developing a feel for the lexis) 72% of US women questioned in the survey believe that adding more flair – read “great shoes, bright lipsticks, trendy accessories”​ – brings more fun. That’s fun, fun, fun ‘til her Daddy takes the T-Bird away. That’s unbridled, pink ribbon-festooned fun.

I’m growing delirious. I need a drink. N.B. I am a male​ diet cola drinker. That counts me out of Diet Pepsi kind offer to “quench that thirst and quell that craving”​ (for female F.U.N) by launching a ‘Sip in Style Sweepstakes’. Wossat?! Yes, that went over my head too…

From September 22, Diet Pepsi fans can win everything from lipsticks and refreshing fizz, to a wardrobe makeover by Sofia Vergara’s personal stylist and a $1,000 dollar shopping trip in New York City.

Actress Sofia Vergara herself even came up with an accompanying comment, the like of which seems to attach itself to a press release of this kind (Pepsi is by no means alone in this respect), when PR firm presses fun-loving celebrity for quote, and celebrity apparently says first thing that enters their head.

“No-one should have to work so hard to add more fun into their lives,”​ the svelte-looking Sofia (pictured: the caption is what Pepsi tells journalists to use) said, in a tangential-sounding soundbite that might actually been said in a cross voice, just after she dropped a bowl of Corn Flakes.

Actually, my female colleagues weren’t aware they were working so hard​ Sofia, although now you come to mention it…

“That’s why I’m happy to help Diet Pepsi bubble up the fun for women everywhere,”​ Sofia piped. It’s great she’s doing her bit, and no doubt being paid handsomely into the bargain.

Apparently 37% women in the Western US have “just enough”​ fun each day,  while in contrast women in the South are positively fun starved, only 28% feel that they are getting enough fun.

So long and thanks for all the fun...​

Thankfully, it seems that one drink can save the day. That’s right. It’s Coca-Cola Zero. Sorry, I mean Dr… Diet Pepsi.

“This survey confirms what Diet Pepsi has known all along, women are craving a little more fun in their lives,” ​said TM Pepsi marketing VP Angelique Krembs.

She added: “Diet Pepsi is encouraging women everywhere to take a much-needed break and add a little refreshing fun to their day.”​

So long Diet Pepsi, and thanks for all the fun! Wake me up when you're bored enough to break some news.

Ben Bouckley is the fun adverse deputy online editor of BeverageDaily.com (William Reed Business Media SAS). ​